Thursday, June 23, 2011

CONFIRMED: Mark Fistric goes Postal in Edmonton Beer League Game

According to unconfirmed inside sources (read: Twitter), Stars Defenseman Mark Fistric went completely primal in a Division 3 Beer League game, reportedly tomahawking an 18 year old after the end of the game and tackling a goalie.

There are a few questions we have about this story here at Six Six Hicks:

1.) Is it a true story? By "unconfirmed sources", we're talking two degrees of separation. One of our friends has at least three friends up in Edmonton who were playing against El Fisto and reported this via Twitter. The common argument against is likely going to be that they're just making this up, but if they were, why in God's name would they have chosen Mark "Marky Mark" Fistric of all people to target? We're pretty sure the only time people hear his name, it's just after he's redeemed his "one open ice hit per game" coupon, then they forget he existed quickly afterwards. We're going to have to go with true on this one, but not 100% positively. More like 93%.

2.) Why in the hell is Mark Fistric playing in a Division 3 Beer League game in Edmonton? At first we tried answering this with a "He's an NHL player, he should at least be in Division 1" before realizing that this is Mark Fistric we're talking about here. This is a man who would have trouble stickhandling his way out of a brown paper bag, giving up halfway through to hit it in the head with a helmet.
To his credit, it was a really defensively sound paper bag.
So our answer to this question, speaking as people who have played Rec league games against players leaps and bounds better than us, is that Mark Fistric might actually be a bit of a jerk. But he's our jerk, right? That always seems to work out for us.
Case + Point
3.) Where the hell was this kind of rage last season? I mean, the team had plenty to be angry about last season between all of the blown leads and Mark Crawford being Marc Crawford, but Fistric had twice the reason to be angry. He was a healthy scratch for several games this year because Crawford thought he wouldn't do as good a job as JEFF WOYWITKA.

To me that just bursts with shades of that old story about the tortoise and the hare, except the tortoise only gets the icetime they were racing for because the hare was too busy beating up teenagers in beer league games to realize that there was an actual race going on.
As the Razorboy might say: "IT WAS LARCENY"
There is one thing, and we mean one very lonely thing, keeping The Fisterino off of July's Thislist, and that is the hope that this random mugging (which, according to Twitter, also included Fistric emerging from the dressing room without shoulder pads challenging the entire opposing team) is a sign of things to come. If "The Edmonton Titan" can keep up this mean streak into the regular season just in time to crush Corey Perry's Hart Trophy-winning face, he'll survive to live another day.

Going back and getting his grandpa would be acceptable as well.
4.) Remember when hockey players were the most well-behaved athletes? Yeah... we do too.


In before "there are tons of guys called Mark Fistric in Edmonton.

We are told that on the scorecard the penalties that are given to Chad Michaud are actually Fistric's. Simply a mix-up with numbers there, we are assured. Having dealt with scorekeepers before, it's actually a small miracle that they didn't give a penalty to #98 instead.

According to the Beer League in question, Fistric has been suspended for 5 games (including a $50 fine which is sure to burn a hole the pocket of his metal studded jacket) for his indiscretions.


  1. That guy who got tomahawked was me

  2. There was also a sucker punch to a guys face by fistric... Nutcase!!

  3. Im the goalie he tackled as he tried riping my cage off my face with his left hand cuffed, he finally went to dressingroom to return wih no shoiulder pads asking are whole team to fight

  4. Take a look at the penalty minutes of the team he was playing against. 111 PIMS in 7 games. Enough said. I have spared against the team he went "postal" against & trust me. I am surprised it just finally happened after 7 games & not sooner. They skate around yapping & celebrating a goal in Div 2 like the Bruins did after they won the cup. Its a team full of douchebags that should be playing in Div 3 like the article writes